Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Cycle 16 (in limbo)

For the first time in almost a year and a half, I don't know what CD I'm on. Think about that for a second. Any woman struggling through infertility *knows* what CD she's on. It's almost how we identify ourselves. "Hi, my name is Sally and I'm 14 DPO" or "Hi, I'm Bruce, and I'm CD3". Ok, maybe not Bruce, but you know what I mean. Right now, I'm just: "Tutti here, and I don't know WTF is going on".

Which reminds me, I've not updated you on the new plan yet. And that's probably because it makes me break out in hives when I think about it. Big let down: there is no plan. I'm headed back to Dr. D in two weeks for more blood work. Apparently we've got to make sure HCG is down to 0 and see where my TSH is at. Then, I guess, we'll have to wait for my period and a new cycle. Last week the nurse said to "hold off" for this month. I'm not sure if that just meant no meds/appointments, or no-trying-for-baby-the-old-fashioned-way. Not that that would result in anything anyway.

I saw The Guru on Monday for a followup appointment. I think love him. Like, I wish he was my grandfather and I could go hang out at his house after school. As soon as he walked into my little room, he greeted me with a warm hug and told me that he had heard what happened and how sorry he was. I actually felt like he felt sorry too. There is nothing hurried or medical about him. However, I do feel like he is a healer. Is that weird? I'm sad that I won't be able to continue my treatments with him. Once a week at $130 a treatment, well, that's  just not possible. Hopefully, I'll be in good hands with his associate.

Oh! And I'm so, so glad that I went to the RESOLVE meeting last week. It was... exactly what I needed. It's nice to know other women IRL that are going through this. Not that I would wish this on anyone, but you know what I mean.


  1. Can I join you in the WTF club? Because that is how I feel right now. Am I on CD 24 or 2 Dpo? Or maybe I'm on CD 22? I don't know. Bad ovary!

    I'm so glad your meeting was good! I'd be so nervous going to one but it is nice to feel like you are not alone.

    I'm super interested in trying acupuncture but I've been so scared! I shouldn't be afraid of needles but the though of them sticking out of my face kinda gets me. I should just get over it and do it though.

  2. Not knowing is so hard. For the few months between seeing our first RE and our second RE, I completely stopped tracking everything. In some ways it was nice, but it was also stressful in its own way. And I ended up taking a million pregnancy tests, because of course my period is never regular.

    I hope you get some answers soon! (Also, thanks for the update on the RESOLVE groups. I've been wondering about people's experience with them.)

  3. I'm so sorry you are stuck in a holding pattern for now. Waiting is just salt in the wound :-\ I hope your HCG drops quickly and your doctor and you come up with a good plan for moving forward! Also, has your doc said anything about how in the hell this all happened in the first place?

  4. Sorry you are stuck in the waiting game. Hopefully it is just a one month delay and your RE will have lots of good ideas for next month to be a success. Also, glad you are liking the acupuncture. I am a big (recent convert) believer that it helps.

  5. I give you so much credit for being able to let yourself go as far as tracking days. As much as waiting sucks more than anything in the world, not keeping track of everything might be a little liberating, hope the waiting game ends soon and you can figure out what the heck to do next...