I hate it when I get behind, and I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately. I have 874 blog posts in my head and only have time to write .75 of one. Blarg.
So let's catch up. After my BFN last week, my RE called from her cell while running out for lunch. I don't know why, but that meant a lot to me. I guess I felt like she was thinking about me, even when she didn't "technically" need to be. Our conversation went as follows:
Dr. D: I'm really sad and frustrated right now. I want this as much as you do.
Me: Yeah, I am too. So WTF?
Dr. D: I have a consult set up with 4 other RE's today to discuss this crazy bleeding issue that's going on. I'm going to do some extensive research when I get home. I'm determined to figure this out.
Me: I really appreciate you putting in the overtime on me.
Dr. D: How could I not? Hopefully we'll have a plan for you when you come in for your CD2. Oh, and I feel pretty strongly that you should start acupuncture. I know there is a cost to it, but I think western medicine has failed you. Let's try eastern. I know a great fertility acupuncturist in your area. It usually takes 3 to 4 months to get into see him, but if you are up for it, I'll pull a few strings and get you in as soon as possible.
Me: I think you might be right, and I appreciate the sting pulling.
Dr. D: Don't worry about it, we're in this together.
So yeah, I think I needed to hear all that from her. I needed the reassurance that she was just as worried about me as I am. And to know that she was consulting with other doctors about me? Huge. I might have even given a little fist-pump after I got off the phone. And I'm not even from Jersey.
On my CD2 appointment, she said that all the doctors she consulted with felt like this bleeding issue was hormonal. The theory is, is everyone's estrogen drops during ovulation, but maybe mine is dropping further and longer than it's supposed to for some reason. This can coincidentally cause unexplained bleeding and breast tenderness (gosh that sounds familiar, no?). Treatment for this month: Estradiol in the form of a pill everyday, and once I get that positive OPK, I'm going to double up on it. The only complicating factor is that I have a big juicy cyst on my left ovary (a lingering reminder of the $1500 we spent last cycle?) so I'm on a lower dosage than she originally wanted me on. Stupid cyst.
The only thing I'm struggling with is that I am forced on, yet another, natural cycle (besides the estrogen & progesterone). I mean, I know it doesn't make logical sense to go forward with Gonal-F and an IUI, because until we figure out this other issue, it's all a waste of money. But emotionally, it's hard. It's hard because I feel like time is slipping away. It's hard because I know that no matter what happens this cycle, the chances of me getting pregnant are less than 1% (sadly, a hard scientific number, not a ficticious-Tutti-being-drama number). So yeah, I'm sad about that. But at the same time, I know it's the only thing that make sense. Going back and forth between my head and my heart is taxing.
There is more to this story though, and I'm kind of excited for tomorrow. More to catch you all up on! There is a little, tiny light at the end of my tunnel.
Ewww. Was that too literal? I meant it figuratively speaking of course.