At that moment, I felt like my chest imploded.
As much as I tried to wear a brave face and be all one-with-Budda, my hopes were high. I kept qualifying everything good and hopeful with, "but I know this isn't really going to happen". I also blame my boobs. Damn things were so sore that I nearly cried in the shower this morning. Stupid sore boobs. We're not on speaking terms anymore.
So that's it. My HCG has plummeted to 122. My progesterone is crazy low at 4. And my TSH has skyrocketed to 4.75. Moral of the story, the Guru was right- my hormones are jacked (he said it in a much cooler traditional-Chinese-medicine-y way though).
Right now I'm sad. Not like a face-down-in-my-pillow-sobbing kind of sad, but just like a quiet sad. I feel like if you looked at me, you could see the events of the last few days written all over my face. I'll be ok though. I'll rebound because I still have hope. And I won't stop until I have that baby in my arms.