At that moment, I felt like my chest imploded.
As much as I tried to wear a brave face and be all one-with-Budda, my hopes were high. I kept qualifying everything good and hopeful with, "but I know this isn't really going to happen". I also blame my boobs. Damn things were so sore that I nearly cried in the shower this morning. Stupid sore boobs. We're not on speaking terms anymore.
So that's it. My HCG has plummeted to 122. My progesterone is crazy low at 4. And my TSH has skyrocketed to 4.75. Moral of the story, the Guru was right- my hormones are jacked (he said it in a much cooler traditional-Chinese-medicine-y way though).
Right now I'm sad. Not like a face-down-in-my-pillow-sobbing kind of sad, but just like a quiet sad. I feel like if you looked at me, you could see the events of the last few days written all over my face. I'll be ok though. I'll rebound because I still have hope. And I won't stop until I have that baby in my arms.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. I know you were putting on a brave face for everyone but I can only imagine the nagging hope you felt deep down. Love the way you make a comeback at the end of your post, hope you can carry that positive attitude with you throughout the rest of the week xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Thinking of you and wishing you the strength to get through.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. So so sorry. Today you get to be sad, but you DO still have hope. Guru is going to get your hormones figured out and you know now that your body can do this. I'm sending you so many internet bear hugs right now! Be sad, wallow, and treat yourself to something special. This will work out, I know it.
ReplyDeleteOh God, I am so so sorry that it wasn't the news we all wanted you to hear... Its so unfair. Trisha is right, though, there is hope. You've got the Guru now and you have proof that you are capable of getting pregnant (I know that sounds like a really lame platitude...). Let yourself grieve and don't rush yourself into anything. ::hug:: I really wish there was anything I could do.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Sending you love and light.
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