Cycle 15, CD 38 (25 DPIUI)

When I wrote the other day that there was more to catch you all up on, I had no idea how much more would happen in the following days. And because this could get lengthy, I'm going to do a list of events as they happened. Lists make me feel more in control, and right now think I need that.

• To remind you: After my last BFN Dr. D put me on a natural cycle with just estrogen to try to stop the mysterious ovulation bleeding, I had a sizable cyst on my left ovary, and she suggested I start acupuncture.
• The acupuncturist that Dr. D wanted me to see was $500 for just 1 consult and 2 treatments. Not chump change, right? Turns out though, this Dr. is an extraordinarily famous (like world famous) infertility acupuncturist. We'll call him The Guru. 
• During this time, I continued to bleed past my regular period and was now on day 6. WTF? I attributed it to my body getting used to the estrogen.  
• The next few days were full of back and forth arguments with Mike about the cost/benefit value of acupuncture. Mike like facts and he only found a few (good) studies that proved acupuncture worked, and those were for only back pain. He feels pretty strongly that acupuncture may indeed work, but going to the local acupuncture school (for less than 1/4 of the cost) would have the same result as going to The Guru. I didn't agree with him and insisted that if Dr. D really wanted me to go to him, I had to at least give it a try. Besides, we'd invested so much up to this point, didn't we want to explore all available avenues? Finally, my parents stepped in and said that as a combined (very early) birthday and Christmas gift, they'd pay for a few treatments with The Guru. My mom and dad both felt strongly that if I didn't pursue this, I'd regret it. So I called and made an appointment.  
• I woke up the next day with an UTI. Fuck me, are you serious? (I've been having chronic UTIs for the last 2 years). I go to see my GP and get on some baby-friendly antibiotics because I should be ovulating in a week or so. Maybe the UTI is the cause of all this bleeding?  
• The the midst of the acupuncture debates, I reached out to an old friend I'd not spoken to in over 10 years. She was a year older than me in High School but we'd always gotten along really well. I'd recently heard through a mutual friend that she'd gone through 7 failed IVF cycles. Let me say that again: Seven. Failed. IVF. Cycles. She still doesn't have a child. I know the gravity of that is not lost on any of you. I wanted to talk to her because I knew she was a huge advocate of acupuncture and I was hoping to find out why and gain some clarity (let me just say for the record, making the decision to do acupuncture or not should never be this difficult, but I am indecisive and toggle endlessly over everything. We ended up talking for a full 2 hours and in that time, I felt like I had 17 "ah-ha" moments. She never lectured me, but she did say, "Tutti, this process is one that you have to experience for yourself so I don't want to tell you what to do or how to act. But after going through all of it for so long, I wish someone had told me certain things so I wouldn't have had to make so many mistakes along the way." It was probably the most amazing conversation I've had since I've started on this journey and I felt like she gave me so much wisdom and the ability to acknowledge my hope again. After hanging up the phone, I felt... lighter. I went to bed and woke up the next morning feeling... renewed. I really hope I can hang on to that. I need to hang on to that. She also ended up asking her acupuncturist if she recommended anyone in my area area (we live in different states). Guess who she referred? The Guru. Huh, that's kind of crazy.
• The bleeding still hasn't stopped. It had been 8 days at this point. Great, so on top of the crazy ovulation bleeding, it seems as though I just bleed all the time now. Then in dawns on me, maybe I'm bleeding because of that cyst on my left ovary? I decide to give it one or two more days, then I'll call Dr. D. 
• I have to say, my consult and acupuncture treatment with The Guru was pretty cool (happy bday and Merry Xmas to me!). Long and short of it, he felt that everything was hormone related. I can't say that I don't disagree with him either. He insisted that I shouldn't be bleeding if I'm on estrogen and to call Dr. D the next morning. He went on to say that my body just wasn't handling all hormones very well and he recommended that I do another full natural cycle (as in NEXT cycle). And by natural he meant: no estrogen, no gonal-F, no progesterone, nada. He said my body needed to get back to its baseline. It was tired and confused by all the hormones. He felt my pulse and said it was 'erratic'. I'm still not sure what that means but he had a concerned look on his face when he said it. Then I went in for my acupuncture treatment with him and I quite enjoyed it. Although, I did find it next to impossible to keep my thoughts from racing. He had me do a full hour treatment because he really wanted the bleeding to stop. Then he sent me home with some cRAzY looking herbs and an appointment to see his associate the next week. 
• The next morning (yesterday) I woke up and was... wait for it...still bleeding. It'd been 10 full days. I followed The Guru's advice and called my clinic. I filled Dr. D in on my symptoms as well as what The Guru said. After listening to everything, she said, "I'm going to follow his lead and have you go off everything right now. What is happening is just not right. I know this is going to sound crazy, but take another pregnancy test just to make sure. Then email me in a few days and let me know if the bleeding has stopped. We'll get to the bottom of this, I promise." 
• Hours later, I cooked up my herbs and holy hell, this stuff is beyond nasty. I plugged my nose and guzzled two cups which made me have to pee. Then I remembered how Dr. D asked me to take another pregnancy test and scoffed at the idea. But for some reason at the last second decided to indulge her.  
• It was positive. 

In 35 years, I've never-ever had a positive pregnancy test. I didn't even know if I could get pregnant. I'm still waiting for my beta test results. Understandably, Dr. D said, "don't get too excited". And I can't- I've been bleeding for 10 days and I *know* that's not good. But it does mean that I'm most likely able to get pregnant. At least, I think it does. I'm trying to take all I've learned this week and see the good in this situation. I'm not scared right now, just hopeful. I'm going to keep acknowledging my hope from here on out and embrace it, regardless of what happens. My life changed in many different ways this week. I'm not sure how it's going to read yet, but my story has a new chapter.

P.S. On our way home from the beta test, I turned to my husband and with the biggest smile I said, "See, I told you The Guru is a miracle worker."