Wow. That was a dark place I'd not been to in a while. It caught me so off guard. And damnit I *knew* it would be negative because of the bleeding issue. I *knew* I had no hope. Hell, my RE confirmed that I should have no hope. But apparently some crept in when I wasn't even looking because I went into the big-bad-pit-of-despair after testing. As my nephew likes to exclaim when he goes to the dentist, "Not fun, not fun". Well said little man.
But I feel like I'm coming out on the other side of it now. At least somewhat. I had my CD2 appointment, have a plan for this cycle [more on that later], and have manged to crack a smile or two over the last few days.
We spent $2497.00 on infertility related b/s just this month. Now, how often do you go out and spend that kinda money and have nothing to show for it afterward? Seriously, I can't even tell you how badly I need a new pair of jeans. I'm not sure if I even own a pair of socks without holes in them. And don't even talk to me about the situation that is my dog and her hair. I've been cutting her coat for the last year on my own in an attempt to save some money. Let's just say, even she is embarrassed to be seen in public anymore.
Have to agree with your nephew...this whole thing is no fun. Especially the money. It is unreal how much we have to pay for one month of treatment and how often we get nothing out of it. I'm moving to Europe. Free infertility treatment for all! J breaks out in hives when I start talking about going back to the RE. He is allergic to spending...
ReplyDeleteCome out of the dark place and play in the sun with me! Then we can go to the dark place again together in a couple of weeks. We could bring cookies!
Ohh, the end of a cycle depression...it always results in such mixed feelings! Sadness because it didn't happen but somewhat happy because you know a new cycle has started, the 2ww is over, and you can move forward with the next steps. My friend recently asked me where I have been over the past few weeks and I told her I dug a deep hole and buried myself inside haha. Good thing we have each other to give us a little boost. You definitely deserve some sort of splurge...
ReplyDelete