Cycle 13, CD 14

We were supposed fly out to visit my family for Christmas and then stop on the way back to spend New Years with Mike's parents. My reproductive schedule messed that up. So instead of being with family, or friends, or at least in a place where it FEELS like Christmas- we are stuck in a very un-Christmasy feeling location, totally broke (damn infertility medications and treatments), and without a baby that I was so sure that we would have by now.

I told Mike how sad I was about this Christmas. How depressing it was that we were probably just going to sit on the couch and watch TV alone instead of ripping open gifts and sitting down to a big festive meal with family. He's not that big into these kind of celebrations, but I am. So when he said, "Let's just order Dominos and maybe there will be something new on Netflix" I burst into tears. I'd rather sick a fork in my eye.

Then I started thinking that we should have just dealt with it and gone home for Christmas- at least we wouldn't be alone. But then I realized that I'd be forced to sit there with my adorable nephews as a constant reminder of what we don't have. 

It's lose-lose situation.