I wasn't sure what the new strategy was going into this cycle. When I saw Dr. D on my CD2 ultrasound appointment, she said she saved one sample of Gonal-F for me. It can cost upwards of $300.00 so not only was my new "path" revealed to me but I was exceedingly thankful for my doctor's generosity.
I had to travel for business the next day so quickly had to learn how to inject myself in my stomach. For a girl with a paralyzing fear of needles, I think I did ok. I certainly will never get used to giving myself shots, and thank god it was a thin needle- but I managed. For 11 full days.
Then I went on vacation with my husband for the holiday. I got a positive OPK the night before we left which meant that we were shooting [literally] for an island baby. This would be so symbolic in so many ways. So special. So meant to be. Like my world was coming full circle and there really was someone out there looking over me. I won't know until tomorrow if that is the case, but I'm pretty sure it's not. Which, makes me even more sad.
A bit of illuminating news came about earlier this cycle:
- 4/7/11- My Ob checked my thyroid levels because I was having breakthrough bleeding & short luteal phase. Results: .94 (perfect) [question if this was a bad lab or it really was that low]
- 11/7/11- My GP randomly checked my thyroid levels when I went in for my flu shot. They came back at 5.24 (normal is .5 to 5.0 with fertility optimum at 1)
Puzzle pieces started falling into place. I hadn't made the connection earlier because my results had been normal but my symptoms were real: extreme fatigue, frizzy hair, weight gain, inability to concentrate, dry skin, etc. I also knew that this could severely impact fertility. My Synthroid dosage was immediately increased.
A few days later I asked Dr. D if she thought this could be the reason for my infertility issues, she said 'no' [because I ovulate]. But I'd been taking progesterone suppositories for the last 6 months for a short luteal phase, so there was clearly more to it that just ovulation. But I took her word for it and put it out of my head.
After a round table with my family that has a solid background in the medical field and biology- it turns out that I shouldn't have put it out of my head. They are lots of studies that show marked infertility in hypothyroid patients if their levels are above 2 because the oocyte needs specific hormones to be able to be fertilized. Or something.
And add to all this that fertility drugs (Clomid, Gonal-F) have been shown to push thyroid function off due to the increased hormone levels. So why wasn't Dr. D testing my TSH levels every month she prescribed me fertility meds? Why didn't she admit to my thyroid levels very possibly being my problem? Incompetence or covering her ass? Either way, I'm determined to get some answers.. and maybe a new doctor.
Test day tomorrow. I don't know if it's worse testing when you have no hope or some hope. Maybe it's just always a black day.