Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Standing still, again

There was no heartbeat today. Appears that it probably stopped a few days ago.

As much as I was trying to prepare myself for this, the extreme 24-7 morning sickness gave me a little hope. I suppose it was just lingering hormones. Or maybe Halloween's ultimate trick.

The D&C is scheduled for tomorrow. I'm familiar with the process. I'll wear my yoga pants and favorite sweatshirt; the one where I can pull the sleeves down over my hands. I'll ask for extra blankets to bury myself in as I wait my turn. I'll cry as they put the IV in my arm and then even more as they fit the mask over my face. Although I'm prepared for it, I don't think this is something you ever get used to. If anything, the pain becomes even more intense.

21 comments:

  1. I am so, so so sorry. I wish there was more I could do that to offer those words. Your blog is so helpful to me, and I was truly hopeful that this pregnancy would be your miracle. Deepest condolences.

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  2. My heart just breaks for you.
    I'm so sorry.
    Sending you hugs..LOTS of them!

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  3. So heartbroken and so very sorry. Will be thinking if you prepare for what there is no way to prepare.

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  4. Oh it for sure is nothing to get used to, and harder with each time. I am sorry this is happening again. I just want to scream for you. I wish such a horrible experience didn't happen, and keep happening to ones so deserving. Will be thinking of you.

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  5. Sending you TX-sized hugs. I am so very sorry.

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  6. I'm so sorry. :( Thinking of you, and sending peaceful vibes your way.

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  7. Reading this has filled my heart with such sadness for you and your husband. I am sorry.

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  8. So sorry for your loss.

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  9. It's just not fair you're going through this again. I'm so sorry. Prayers and hugs.

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  10. I am so so sorry you are having to go through this again...

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  11. This post broke my heart. I am so so so sorry. Praying for you if that's ok.

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  12. You know how much I love you. I hate that you are having to go through this again and I know there is nothing I can say to take away the pain of what is happening right now. But your e-mail today reassured me how strong you are. You, my friend, are a warrior. Sending you all my love.

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  13. Too hard, life is too hard sometimes. My thoughts are with you.

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  14. Heartbroken. Simply and utterly heartbroken. Wrapping you in love and wishing I knew how to take all of this away.

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  15. I'm so very sorry that you are going through this yet again. RPL is a horridly ugly thing to live through. I am so sorry for your loss, and for your previous losses as well. Please know that you are not alone - there are unfortunately many of us who also know exactly what it's like, and we are here to abide with you always. I hope everything goes as well as possible with the D&C; please let us know how you are, be it okay or not at all, when you can.

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  16. My heart hurts with you today. I'm so very very sorry. I am thinking of you. This has been a very long process with too many ups and downs. Prayers for peace for you.
    kd

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  17. I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and your husband....

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