Beta #2 came back with good doubling numbers.
I've been numb ever since I saw that second line. Numb, dotted with bit of fear. Then last night, out of nowhere, I broke down into uncontrollable sobs. In my desperation to start trying again, never once did it dawn on me that it would happen so fast. And in that line of thinking, if it did happen fast, that I could be faced with another miscarriage. The last one is still so fresh. I still think about her all the time.
It's like I just got pummeled by a wave, was barely able to stand up again, and am looking at another one headed right for me.
But there are things that keep me afloat too. On Sunday when I found myself in a state of total shock, I quickly dialed the emergency-Trisha-hotline. She talked me down and made me laugh. When she asked me what my RE said, it dawned on me that I hadn't even called my her yet. We laughed even harder at that. I'm more lost and scared and vulnerable than I have ever been in my life. I'm terrified that I'm going to drown in this wave. But knowing that you are all hoping for me, means the world. It's the support that I can't possibly give to myself right now. Not now, but hopefully eventually.
To my loves, thank you.
I am thinking of you all the time...hoping that this is your lucky cycle. I imagine that the next few months will be very difficult, but hopefully full of joy too, and we're all here for you.
ReplyDeleteYay!!!! So ridiculously happy for you! I can't imagine how scary it is too (and this is coming from someone who is absolutely petrified) but things are looking good. And know that we are all here to support you along this journey too!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear about the good beta! I can only imagine how frightening it is to be back in this position once again. I just hope you will take it one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. And I will still hope, hope, hope with you every step of the way. ~ hugs ~
ReplyDeleteI know this is scary for you. I feel yay, you have every right to feel the way you are feeling. I wish you didn't have to feel this way, I hate this has been taken from you. I'm so happy to see that your numbers are doubling...beta juju is working!!! I'm routing for you girl...I want this to be the one for you soooo bad!!!
ReplyDeleteWe should start our own hotline! We would become famous! Besides, who wouldn't want advice from us what with our sparkling personalities and all? SO glad your numbers came back good today. Like I said, I'll be positive for you right now. Can't wait to see you next week!
ReplyDeleteSo relieved for good numbers but totally understand your fear. It will be scary for a long time, even if everything is perfect. Keep you head up and be thankful for today!
ReplyDeleteA strong first number and a good doubling time make for a wonderful start. But no less importantly, I can understand how overwhelming this feels while you are still recovering from the last loss. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, leaning on others while it feels too difficult to support yourself - we are here, we are behind you, and we will not let you drown.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you and hoping for a great number to come back that would match great beta #1. This all has to be some what overwhelming and especially with the fact of it happening naturally. I am so happy for you and can't help but to smile. This finally happened to one of "us".
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo! Keep floating sweetie. Still crossing fingers and keeping you in my prayers. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSending you GREAT BIG HUGS! I wish there was a better way for me to support you but I hope you feel my love through my comments. I can't wait to hear what your RE has to say. Will you be put on any kind of medication to help sustain and strengthen the pregnancy?
ReplyDeleteI will keep the prayers coming for you. XO
You deserve this so much. Sending good thoughts your way. <3
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