Cycle 14, CD 6

When I called to set up my CD2 ultrasound earlier this week, the nurse told me that Dr. D wanted to see me and Mike for a WTF consult instead.

Fuck me. This is going to be the big IVF conversation, isn't it?

But it wasn't and I think sitting down with my doctor and finally getting everything out on the table was a good thing. After all, this was the first consult we've had since starting with this clinic back in June. In fact, for my (and Mike's) sanity, I wish we had done it sooner. Those 10 minute u/s appointments only leave you about 30 seconds to ask questions once the vag-cam is finished its probing. Ugg. I hate that thing.

Here are the highlights:

• My stinking thyroid: We are going to continue testing my thyroid every month from here on out. Dr. D confirmed that conception was probably not a possibility with it being as high as it was. The problem is, it went wonky sometime during the previous 6 months but we don't know exactly when. So all that Clomid, the IUI, Gonal-F, freaking out, was most likely all for naught. But we will never really know. I had it tested after the consult and it is currently at .773. Not between the target of 1 to 2 that we want, but not low enough for my RE to change my Synthroid dosage either. 
• Stupid Gonal-F: She thought the bleeding and crazy sore boobs sounded like it was due to a huge spike of estrogen brought on by ovulation. She's attributing it to the Gonal-F, though she's never seen or heard of anything like this before (go figure). The fact that it's only happened during the two cycles I've been on the Gonal seems like more than a coincidence. Not what I wanted to hear but at least it's a reason. She also said conception was probably never a possibility the last two months (which is what I was afraid of) because even if there was an embryo, it most likely would have been flushed out with the blood. So much for the last 8 months of trying. Fuck me. 
• Plan for this cycle: Dr. D suggested that we do a natural cycle this month. Of course, my stomach dropped and my gut reaction was to whine and plead like a little girl that wanted the newest talking teddy bear, but I need to trust her. She wants to see if the bleeding happens without the Gonal this month (I have a feeling it won't). And though I know our chances of conceiving are only 2% on an unmedicated cycle, I know that giving my body a break isn't a bad thing either. I will follow along, if not begrudgingly. 
• More tests: She also wants to do a sonohysterogram this cycle to look at my shiny uterus (I'm not sure if it's really shiny, but that's how I see it in my head) to see if there are any polyps. And if my ute gets the A-ok, then she will go a step further and do an endometrial biopsy to make sure there is no infection in my lining. My eyes just about zoinked out of my head when she mentioned this last one. I had an endometrial biopsy 4 years ago. Yeah, it didn't go so well and I ended up passing out on the side of the road after I left my Gyn's office. I woke up in an ambulance with the worst stomach pains I've ever experienced in my life. No joke. If I had a gun, I would have used it on myself. And I don't say things like that lightly. I have a fucked up vaseovegal response (inherited from my mom) which proves to be tricky in situations like this. As in, this is exactly what triggers it. Needless to say, I'll be going armed with vicoden and Mike to that appointment on Tuesday. Lord help me now. 
• Reviewing old tests: Dr. D is going to request the original films from my HSG. She said that it's not too common, but she has caught mistakes in the original reading of these things. Wouldn't that be a kicker? 
• Future plan: Provided the natural cycle is a bust (which of course it will be), we will continue with injectables (more than likely not Gonal) and IUIs. The stats show that our chances go up to 9% (big leagues) with medications and IUIs. So we'll be all over those like white on rice. She said we'll see how it goes, but at least 3 more IUIs and then we'll talk... 
• Future-future plan: IVF. Naturally, it's a last resort but she said that if we indeed have incompatible eggs/sperm, than this is our best bet (I don't know what she is talking about, I get along with everyone). She said it's too early to go the IVF route at the moment (which was reassuring to hear) but that we'll be looking at it in the next 6 months if nothing else works. Sweet, we have 6 months to save up $20,000. Maybe I'll have a yard sale...

Like I said, it was helpful and both Mike and I left feeling a little better. Like we had a plan. Mike was able to shoot a bunch of over-my-head questions at the doctor, and apparently she answered them satisfactorily. Which is good because it makes Mike feel better, which in turn makes me feel much better. So for now, we are able to put some old issues to bed and concentrate on the future. A future that I desperately hope has a positive ending.

No pun intended.