Friday, January 27, 2012

Cycle 14, CD 14 (3 DPO)

Remember my close friend that got her BFP a few weeks ago? They went in for their 7-week ultrasound the other day. There was no heartbeat. I'm absolutely torn up and couldn't manage to hold back the tears when she told me. Living across the country makes it really hard to wrap my arms around her. To lend the support I know she needs right now. To just be there for her.

I'm also having these horrible feelings of guilt for having such a hard time dealing with their pregnancy announcement. Like when I told her that my heart was breaking right along side hers, I couldn't help but feel like a fraud. Truth be told, we've talked every few days since then and I truly was excited for them. I know she knows that, but I keep thinking that if I was excited right away, she would trust that my grief is real. I don't know.

I was thinking about sending her this handkerchief as a reminder of this tiny baby they loved so much. I don't know if that would be more painful, or if it would be something special to commemorate this little one. I've thankfully never suffered a miscarriage so I'm at a loss for what would be best.

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