First off, I want to congratulate both of you. I know you must be over the moon and I'm excited about what this all means for your lives together and for the future. It's huge. Monumental even. And I want to celebrate that with you when I'm able to do it correctly.
As happy as I am for you, I am overwhelmingly sad for me. I'm not sure if I could ever explain how complicated this is unless you experienced it yourself. And I'm thankful that you will never know. It just makes it really hard to talk through.
I'm sorry for the silence. I've wanted to call or email, but I've just not been able to. My heart has been very tender the last few days. Still trying to work through a lot of complex emotions. Still trying to claw my way out of the hole from my negative test. Just... still trying.
As much as I wanted to have that squealing phone conversation with you filled with happy tears and hopes for the future, I was just not in a place to do that when I got your email. I will get there. I promise you. It just may take me a little longer than I hoped. I hate that my infertility has robbed me (and you) of this experience. I just pray to god that you understand. I love you with all my heart. Nothing will ever change that. And I hope that I haven't hurt you or our relationship with my silence. That is that last thing I wanted.
I think I'm honestly looking forward to our talk now. I think I might be ready.