Cycle 15, CD 5

Wow, radio silence for the last two(+) weeks, huh? Unfortunately, no news is not good news. I got my period five days ago.

In an effort to catch you all up as quickly and painlessly as possible, I'll put the highlights in pretty list form: 

• My biopsy results came back: big fat NORMAL. Is it bad that I was hoping something would show up? I'm desperate to put a face to all of this. Unfortunately, I'm still left hanging. From all the tests I've had, you'd think I was a healthy lady. Alas, we know that is not the case. 
• I finally met with my new endocrinologist. She was great and sent me for a battery of autoimmune disease/disorder tests. She seemed pretty sure everything would come back a-ok, but wanted to cover her bases. Good girl.
• I found out that my 40 year old sister is in full blown menopause. 
• That last one needed a bullet all to itself. I made my mom repeat the news 3 different times because I was sure I didn't hear her right. Apparently this started 2 years ago when she was 38(ish). For the record, I am currently 35 years old. It's not like I've not been shy with my sister about everything that has been going on with our infertility either. Why she didn't think this was important to tell me?! I'm not going to even go into it because I'm so fucking furious. When I reported this news to my endocrinologist, she said that early menopause could be autoimmune related (antibodies attacking ovaries). Next, my RE immediately sent me for an Anti Mullerian Hormone level test. Apparently this is supposed to be a better indicator than FSH and estradiol for ovarian reserve and tell me how far from menopause I am. Still waiting for the results. I just can't believe I'm even talking about menopause right now. I'm sure I'll delve deeper into this later, but right now I'm just pissed.
• At my CD2 u/s, we decided to go with the Gonal-F again this cycle. Since we now know the weird bleeding during ovulation was not caused by the meds, we figured we'd stick with it since I responded well to it previously. She also prescribed some antibiotics just in case I have an infection that is causing the bleeding. I'm not optimistic that is the issue. However, as long as things go as planned, we'll be doing an IUI sometime next week. 
• I started seeing a therapist. It was time. Crazy T was coming out to play too much. Have any of you watched United States of Tara on Showtime? If not, it's about a woman with multiple personality disorder (DID) and all the craziness that that entails. Well, I feel like I have several alters too. Crazy T is my angry-pissed-off-at-the-world-infertile alter. Margret is my I-can't-crawl-out-of-the-black-infertile-hole alter. Bobby is the infertile-alcoholic. There are a few more in there, but those are the main players. So yeah, therapy was the necessary next step. I think I need to feel her out some more before I make my final decision, but so far I think I like her ('I' meaning Bobby).