Monday, April 16, 2012

Cycle 16 (sometime after ovulation)

I've been working like mad the last few weeks. Pulling insane hours. My last day off was over a month ago. There isn't any more work to do than normal. No one asked me to do this. I just grabbed onto a few projects and didn't let go. It dawned on me the other day that maybe I am subconsciously doing this to try to distract myself from obsessive baby thoughts.

I haven't felt proud about anything for a long time. Quite the contrary, I've felt like an absolute failure. It's hard working for something for almost a year and a half only to have nothing to show for it. So maybe if I redirect that energy to my day job, I'll have something to be proud of. Maybe I'll feel good about myself again. 

Problem is, I'm not really sure it works that way. 

My blog reading schedule fell down the crapper last week. I woke up this morning at 5:30 to get all caught up. So though I may not have written any comments- do know that I've read each and every one of your posts. I'm cheering those follies on with some of you, being anxious waiting for symptoms & results with others, and jumping up and down with my pompoms rejoicing with Trisha.  


  1. I don't blame you for throwing yourself into your work. I don't think I've ever failed at something for as long as I have trying to get pregnant. I know you've been in kind of a rotten head space lately, and I just want you to know I'm right there with you. Hopefully there's something (anything!) good on the horizon for both of us.

  2. That is a lot of work! Don't forget to take care of yourself too! I totally understand feeling like you're working so hard and have nothing to show for it. For me this turned into kind of a stasis, where I'm just waiting to see how the next step turns out and in the meantime I'm incapable of making any decisions. We do whatever we can to make it through though, I guess.

    Also, I tagged you in a Q&A, if you're up for answering some questions... I found it to be a helpful distraction.