How's that for a break in titling scheme?
This is my 100th post. Never did I think that this blog would survive one hundred entries. I also never dreamed that it would see me through 3 miscarriages and a divorce. But it did. And you know what? It's ok. I'm not broken. I'm battle scarred and bruised, but those are wounds that can heal.
I am also much stronger than I ever imagined.
The last few weeks I have been feeling a steady shift. I am calm and carefree. I'm meeting peoples eyes as I walk by them on the street and smiling. That light that I haven't been able to see for so many years is shining bright. I see it now. And it fills me with so much (dare I say it) ... hope.
I walked into Cindy's office yesterday. She said, "Tutti, what's going on with you?! You are... twinkling!'
She's right. I am.
I'm driving to my new home across country with a very good friend of mine (this one actually). It's going to be an epic road trip filled with girlie adventure, Rt. 66 memorabilia, and a drooling dog. My friend has taken it on as her new life's mission to put together the most amazing playlist for us to listen to while driving the open road. It's like a soundtrack to a movie that hasn't been filmed yet. Every morning she emails me a 'teaser' to listen to. I look forward to these and turn the volume up with reckless abandon while trying to imagine where we'll be next time its played: stopped at the edge of the crater of the Grand Canyon at sunset? Driving through the desert of the Navajo reservation? Watching the the skyline of NYC emerge on the horizon?
I've come to realize that for the last few years, my life has been... silent. I've only heard the white noise of stress and grief buzzing in the background. But now, the music is back on. It's pumping. It makes me feel so much. The 'play' button has been pressed. And now all I want to do is dance.
_________________
I'm going to take a small break from blogging. I plan to return once I move and get settled into my new home. It may be as long as a few weeks, maybe even months. As selfish as I feel saying it, I just have to concentrate on me right now.
I hate that I left you all so suddenly. It upsets me not knowing where you are- celebrating, waiting, mourning? I'm so, so sorry. It's not because I want to; I hope you all know that. Each one of you and your stories are very important to me. I carry you guys with me everywhere I go. I continue to hope for all of you.
I'm so glad you're healing - and twinkling, even! Wishing you a wonderfully, joyfully liberating voyage across the country. If I may, here's a suggestion for your playlist, both because it's a great road song and because you might appreciate the message.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXfUSmdGa6E
All the best, and I'll be looking forward to hearing from you when you're ready to write again.
Love to hear that you are twinkling. Will be sending lots of thoughts your way as you take this new direction. Take all the time you need!!! :) :)
ReplyDeleteYou take all the time you need to get settled in your new home and we'll all be here when you get back, anxious to hear your stories :-) I totally understand taking a step back from blogging. I hope when you return that you will have so many exciting and joyful things to tell us, you won't know where to begin! Good luck and God speed!!
ReplyDeleteWow I love all of the positivity I am reading in this post and I love that you are twinkling!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you have a fantastic road trip with your friend. It certainly sounds like an amazing trip! Take a lot of pictures!
Can't wait to hear about your adventures when you get back to writing. :-)
I don't think using this time to concentrate on yourself is selfish at all. You have been through so much and now you are starting a new life with a new direction. I will be here when you return.
ReplyDeleteTwinkling. You're twinkling! That makes me so happy to hear. I know these last few months have not been easy on you, but I'm tickled that you've returned to hope and have a fabulous road trip to look forward to. Drive safely, and take care of yourself. I think of you, and pray for you, all the time. You know I only wish the best for you and I can't wait to hear from you once you're back east, settled and secure. Be well, my friend. XO
ReplyDeleteIt is wonderful to hear you sound so happy and excited for your new adventure! We'll be here whenever you're ready - safe travels and happy housewarming in advance!
ReplyDeleteHearts all around you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love to hear that you are twinkling!! Wishing you a wonderful road trip!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck in all things. A road trip with a girl friend sounds like the perfect soul-cleanser!
ReplyDeleteI think your road trip sounds amazing! Have a wonderful time and we'll hear from you when you return.
ReplyDeleteI'll miss having you around but that's just me being selfish. :) I'm so glad that things are picking up for you and you're so at peace! Enjoy the next little while and keep taking good care of yourself. Aren't fresh starts awesome?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're feeling better and I hope the roadtrip east is healing and freeing for you. See you (read you) when you get settled!
ReplyDeleteLove you! I'm love the excitement in your words. I know you are going to have a beautiful life and I can't wait to watch it happen.
ReplyDeleteTwinkle on! Sometimes a roadtrip--especially with a good friend--is just what a girl needs. (And, by the way, I live on Rt 66, if you feel like a pit-stop.) I can't wait to hear about your new adventures!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are twinkling. I am wishing you so much luck and love with this journey. . I can't wait to follow along, no matter which way it takes you. In the meantime, you will be missed.
ReplyDelete