I was so taken aback by the outpouring of love and support after my last post. Saying thank you seems painfully trite. To be honest, I was terrified to write about the dissolution of my marriage. It is topic that typically elicits much judgement.
Truth be told, I am embarrassed. Horrified. Grief stricken.
Part of me wonders what I did to deserve all this. The other part screams back, "Nothing! You did nothing to deserve this." I toggle back and forth every 5 minutes.
So yeah, the bucketfuls of love that came screaming through last week was something I needed very badly. Thank you.
Right now I'm overwhelmed by the logistics: packing, selling our condo, disentangling my life from someone that thought I would be with forever, filing divorce papers, work obligations, finances, contractors, moving, jury duty, being sick. It's all just, so much.
On top of all that there are the emotions. Some days I can ignore them, put my head down and plow forward. Other days, they overwhelm me. Growing up I always said I didn't believe in divorce. I told this to Mike over and over again prior to getting married. Not that I didn't think it was right for others, just not for me. I always thought that if two people loved each other enough, you could work through anything. What I didn't realize is that unless both people work at it, it is not possible.
Mike stopped working a long time ago.
This was not the easy decision.
But it is the right one.
I'm choosing love. Love for myself. My life. My future child.