Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Cycle 19, CD 27 (10 DPO)

[Click here for more information about Emhart's September Photo Challenge]  

Prompt: Cozy

When my eyes first blink open in the morning and I see this, it almost makes the day ahead seem tolerable. It also makes it exceedingly hard to get out of bed. Ms. B and Hunter have a love affair that their respective species would not condone- but is oh so sweet at its very foundation.


Things have been rather busy around these parts. There have been quite a few good days even. And then the walls start crumbling again. Mike and I are fighting and my libido is the culprit. Mainly because I just don't have one. Add it to the list of things infertility has taken from me. It's not good for our marriage though and I'm at a point I don't know what to do about it anymore. 

In other news, I'm now at the point that I'm ready to be put back into the game. No more bench warming for me. I'm traveling the next few days so this morning I had an u/s with Dr. D to make sure I was cleared to play. And I am. Lining is nice and thick, no cysts, and my ute is gearing up for a touchdown. 

I'll be harassed by TSA for carrying meds with me through security. I'll have to pull out my little letter explaining why I need to carry a bag with pointy things, tiny vials of liquid gold, and ice packs onto the plane with me. They'll yell at me from the end of the scanner and ask if I'm diabetic. Everyone will hear and I'll yell back, "No sir, I'm just infertile!" Sometimes I just like to see the looks on peoples faces. 

Which leads me to my newest little anecdotal gem. See, I'm in this weird stage where I feel like I have to out myself to anyone I talk with longer than 5 minutes. I'm not sure why because the conversations *never* leave me feeling good. But anyway, I was at the hairdresser last Friday and sometime after the scalp massage and sometime before the layers were shorn, I spilled the beans to my stylist. She's 34 and though she's little Ms. Edward Sissorhands and works magic with my shiny locks, she's not the sharpest tool. And you know her advice after I went though my spiel? She said, "Well, maybe you just don't want it enough. You know, you really have to want it in order for it to work." I sat there gap-mouthed staring at myself  in the mirror as she naively clipped away. 

"Which way are you going to go with this Tutti?" I asked myself as my hand slipped into my purse and wrapped around the handle of the sharp fork I always carry with me for situations such as this. 

Instead, I decided to challenge her logic and said, "Well, how do you explain my 2 miscarriages then? Did I only want it kinda bad so it only kinda worked or did I stop wanting it bad enough, and that's when I lost them?

She thought for a second, tilted her head and said, "I think to finally become pregnant you have to visualize holding your baby every day or it won't work.

Stupid girl didn't even know I was fucking with her. 


  1. There aren't even words for that. Makes me sick.

  2. Oh.my.god. I am amazed people can be that stupid (and/or insensitive). For some people, the fork might be too good!

  3. Ohhhhhh she is dumb fuck!! Can you say fire...I would not go back to her. I've had friends say the same exact thing to me...I'm like umm I need science to get pregnant get it!!! WOW, I am astounded that some people have no couth. But I am glad you are ready go, this is great news!!! I'm hoping for you so much!!

  4. Oh goodness gracious...you really should have made use of that fork! How can anyone who thinks like that even MAKE it to the age of 34? Really! But your little critters are adorable and precious and soooo snuggle-worthy. And I'm glad you're gearing up to get off the bench and get back in the game. Wishing my friend only the best!

    P.S. By the way, my libido has severely suffered since going through all this crap, too. I have absolutely no advice for how to rectify the situation, but know that you're not alone...and that this, too, shall pass. One day.

  5. I'm with Trisha. She's an idiot, pure and simple. After all, if that was the answer, then I need to fire my RE and invest in visualization CDs.

    Though I'm all for announcing you're infertile to TSA.

  6. Oh, wow. Just, wow. There is nothing better to do but laugh at comments like these. I've been outing myself too and then get pissed off at myself for it. Can I just go to one place and not talk about this shit?


  7. Idiot doesn't even begin to describe that woman. Wow.

    Glad that you're back in the game. Sending love your way!

  8. Wait. a. minute. She said WHAT? Really? You're not making this up? How did you not laugh at her and say that that is the stupidest, most insensitive thing you have ever heard someone say. I mean, I guess she was holding scissors near your head, but really. I can't even imagine this conversation.

    Okay...shock over. I LOVE this photo. I want to snuggle up with them too. Although, they might think that was weird.

  9. I'm guessing your stylist belongs to the cult of The Secret. I f'ing hate those people. I think you showed amazing restraint in keeping your fork in your purse. (Note to self: start carrying a fork for situations such as these.)

    On a happier note...that picture is ADORABLE!

  10. It's amazing that someone who pretty much paid to talk for a living can be so clueless about how to not insult her clients. I hope you get a nice (and discreet) TSA agent, although the idea of you yelling back "No sir, I'm just infertile!" makes me smile. It's a sucky place to be in, but at least you're going to get to see some great facial expressions.

  11. I keep typing, erasing, and then trying to re-type something coherent. I guess you could say that I'm flabbergasted. At her ignorance and stupidity in thinking such things, at her cruelty in voicing them. No fork would be sharp enough to avenge her wickedness.

    If you really do shout that at TSA I will love you forever. Pinky swear. And speaking of love ....... those two sweet little faces snuggling so close together are the epitome of it. I'm melting.

  12. Oh this picture makes my heart melt...hope you're doing ok, thinking of you...

  13. so uhm, i love you ... you just my day day with the last comment. :)

  14. She's totally right! That's how I got my take home baby (don't mind the 6 IVF's and 4 m/c... I didn't want those enough). Your hair better look like a freaking shampoo commercial if you keep going to her! :-)

  15. Ok, so I'm WAAAY behind on my blog reading / commenting after my FET last week, but I promise to make up for it today by leaving loads of comments and reading the rest of your posts. :)

    I can't believe what an idiot your hairdresser was. Do you see her regularly or was she just some random lady you went to for a trim? If you see her on a regular basis, it's even more shocking that she would have a response like that. I feel like she should know you better (and just be smarter) than to say such stupid things.