Friday, August 3, 2012

Recovery: day 1

The D&C was yesterday and it's done. But not before my body did half the work its own.

I am in quiet pain now. The violent sobs and lashing out has been replaced with a sadness and stillness that is deafening. I only hope that healing comes swiftly. That I can somehow manage to find hope again. That I can eventually find peace with today.

Comforting a friend in grief has never been something that I've been good at. I've often just hoped that through my silence and quiet prayers, the person just.. knew. That they innately understood that I was there. That they could just feel my love through it all. That's not how it works though. For the person grieving, sadness and pain come from less, not more. It is a lesson I'll not soon forget.

The support I've gotten here has been immense. Overwhelming. The words that you have written saved me. The understanding and compassion got me through to the next day. The acknowledgement that I deserve to feel this pain. This anger. This blackness. That the grief is real. It made me feel human when I felt like I was less than.

For each person that took the time to read and leave healing words. For each person that reached out to a perfect stranger in pain. For each person that had old wounds ripped open yet still offered strength. Thank you. It seems insufficient compared to what you have given me, but it is all I have. And it is important for me to acknowledge what it has meant.

My body is now mending. I just hope that my heart follows suit.


  1. New reader here. I read your last few posts. I am so very sorry for your loss and the hell you're going through. I never experienced this awful event, and I think it's because I'm not strong enough to get through it. I think that you are, but I wish I could help somehow. I'm here if you need a shoulder. <3

  2. ::hug:: absolutely no thanks are necessary. Rest, mend, mourn, and know that we'll be with you every step of the way - even if its not in person. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

  3. Curly sue said it better than I could. Grieve and heal, and know that you have so many people who want the very best for you. If you need anything, know thay I am always here supporting you.

  4. a big hug to you. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through right now. It's unfair in every sense. Thinking of you.

  5. As always, I am thinking of you, feeling so sad for your loss and praying for your peace and strength and renewed hope. Those words sound so empty as I type them and I know, in the end, there are really no words that will do any good, except to maybe let you know you are not alone and that so many people care about you. We can try to be strong for you when you are not. ~ hugs ~