Monday, December 3, 2012

Recovery: day 33

The interweb is a really big place. But Google has gotten really good and it is getting increasingly harder to stay anonymous. And though I have no issues with any of you knowing who I am, I don't want to be found. I can't imagine someone from work reading what I've written. Never mind my IRL friends or my husband. Not when I write about such personal stuff. This is *my* place and I only want to share it with people I feel safe with.

Part of it was my name. I was using my real one. And with a spelling like mine, it was just too specific. Too easy to search. So for the last few days, I've been scrubbing my blog. Names, pictures, and any identifiers have been deleted. What was especially hard was deleting any comment that referenced my name. Your words of compassion and support have kept me afloat in all of this. They are not deleted from my heart though, please know that. I didn't touch my story- that remains fully intact.

I didn't want to make this blog private because I don't want to loose my connection to this community. Not when I get so much strength from it. And not in the off chance my journey can possibly help someone in the future.

So from here on out, you can call me Tutti. There is no special reason for this name, it just makes me smile. It also sounds like a name ascribed to someone that smiles a lot. And maybe she bounces more than most. I need to return to that. I miss smiling and bouncing.

All this to say that I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to be a bit more careful. I'm just going to bob and weave as those Google tendrils branch out. Bob and weave.

28 comments:

  1. I like it :) Tutti is a cute and bouncy name :)

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    1. Kinda like the female version of tigger. Bouncy!

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  2. Tutti it is! Good luck with the clean-up.

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    1. We'll see if I regret this choice after I wake up tomorrow. White wine does funny things to my imagination.

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  3. I'm so sorry you're having to do this, friend, but I do like your new name. Tutti is fun and cute!

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  4. Makes me think of The Facts of Life...and yes, I know that was technically "Tootie".

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    1. We can be Btutti. You know, kinda like Branjolina. I think it works.

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  6. Love it! And just saw your name on a comment on another blog and it made me chuckle!

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    1. It kinda makes me chuckle too. Will take some getting used to, but hopefully it will remind me to smile more :)

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  7. Tutti is definitely smiley-bouncy! I like it!

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    1. I'm trying to force positivity these days :)

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  8. I like Tutti; it is definitely a name you hear and have to smile!

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    1. Smile indeed my friend. Smile indeed.

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    1. Hey, if I can make someone else smile too- jackpot!

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  10. Fruity Tutti with a cutie patootie.
    I get why you have done this. I think you are wise but I hate that it has to come to this sort of thing. Love and hugs x x x

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    1. Perhaps it was subliminal message disguised for my love of the luscious candy Tutti-Fruiti! My stomach rules me.

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  11. Your new name makes me think of the Facts of Life, too. :) I love it!

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    1. So much better than Mrs. Roper, don't you think?

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  12. Tutti makes me smile. :) I'm sold- Tutti it is!

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    1. You make me smile too sis. Always have.

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  13. I love the name Tutti! Great choice. I totally respect your desire to be more private. Glad you found a way to stay around and be more private. Win Win!! Still sending you so many thoughts.

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  14. Just thinking of you! Hope you are doing okay!

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