The interweb is a really big place. But Google has gotten really good and it is getting increasingly harder to stay anonymous. And though I have no issues with any of you knowing who I am, I don't want to be found. I can't imagine someone from work reading what I've written. Never mind my IRL friends or my husband. Not when I write about such personal stuff. This is *my* place and I only want to share it with people I feel safe with.
Part of it was my name. I was using my real one. And with a spelling like mine, it was just too specific. Too easy to search. So for the last few days, I've been scrubbing my blog. Names, pictures, and any identifiers have been deleted. What was especially hard was deleting any comment that referenced my name. Your words of compassion and support have kept me afloat in all of this. They are not deleted from my heart though, please know that. I didn't touch my story- that remains fully intact.
I didn't want to make this blog private because I don't want to loose my connection to this community. Not when I get so much strength from it. And not in the off chance my journey can possibly help someone in the future.
So from here on out, you can call me Tutti. There is no special reason for this name, it just makes me smile. It also sounds like a name ascribed to someone that smiles a lot. And maybe she bounces more than most. I need to return to that. I miss smiling and bouncing.
All this to say that I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to be a bit more careful. I'm just going to bob and weave as those Google tendrils branch out. Bob and weave.