Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Cycle 18, CD 21 (11 DPIUI)

Hello?

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Just picture me hanging my head in shame. I didn't mean to abandon this blog. But more importantly, I didn't want to you guys to think I abandoned you. Just so you know though, I never left; I've read each post you've written. I know *exactly* where each and every one of you are: the good, the bad, and the congratulatory. I've just been reading from my phone which likes to leave 13 duplicate posts for each comment so instead of subjecting you guys to that, I've been refraining from commenting. But I'm right by your sides and hopefully within the next few weeks I can get back to my old ways. In the meantime, think of me as your personal stalker.

Where have I been you ask? I wish I could say I've been doing something fun like windsurfing every day or too busy learning the ins and outs of my newly purchased u/s machine. Unfortunately the boring truth of it is I've been working. Hard. I've been working harder than I've ever worked in my life. And all this blood, sweat, and tears I've put into my job over the last 4 months is finally coming to a close. So this last month has kinda been like crunch time. A horrible, bumpy road that has given this perfectionist (points to self) an ulcer the size of a watermelon. Ok, so maybe I don't have an ulcer, but I feel like I should! Be that as it may, I apologize for my disappearing act.

I think I left off mid-2ww last cycle. That was the ugly loooong cycle with crappy follicles, high TSH, a missed IUI, and lots of bitter emotions. It ended with a very glaring negative pregnancy test. But of course it did.

After that debacle, Dr. D felt confident that we could sneak in one last cycle before I had to leave town for a bit. She wanted to try the Follistim again even though I reacted really badly to it the previous cycle. So in the spirit of compromise, I asked that we not do the estrogen supplements because it screwed with my TSH too much. It's like a game of Jenga, you have to be careful where you place each block or the entire tower might come tumbling down.

Long story short, for as bad as cycle 17 was, cycle 18 has been the opposite. I was only on stims for 7 days (hello shortest cycle ever!!), I had multiple big follicles, my TSH behaved beautifully, the IUI was perfectly timed (confirmed by an u/s), my husband's sample was rock-star quality, and I didn't have any bleeding at ovulation.

How's about them apples?

So here I sit at a hotel restaurant somewhere in middle America and I'm teetering on a tight rope. On the one hand I want to let in the hope so, so badly. I haven't had a good cycle in a long time and with this one, the stars finally aligned. If I were to ever allow myself to hope, it should be right now. But on the other hand, I've been at this long enough to know the more hope I allow in, the worse the pain is when it doesn't work. And that, my friends, is why infertility is the ultimate mind-fuck.


7 comments:

  1. Glad you are back! Hopefully this is your month. I completely agree that fertility is like jenga...or maybe chutes and ladders. What's a game everyone wins? Cause I am looking for the fertility equivalent of that one!

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  2. I've missed you, welcome back! I hope your job appreciates all the hard work you put in for them, especially since it is taking time away from your blogging community ;-) And I'm so glad to hear that you've finally had a picture perfect cycle (yay for no post-ovulation bleeding!). I wish it wasn't a double edged sword that can hurt so bad if it turns up negative :-\ Stupid IF leaves us damned if we do and damned if we don't. But if nothing else, maybe this drug protocol will be a keeper for the future since it worked so well!

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  3. Wow, that does sound like the perfect cycle! Hoping everything turns out just as perfectly!

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  4. Definitely sounds like the perfect cycle! I'll hope for you-how about that? :)

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  5. Yay! You're back. Thank you for the update. You knew you should drop the estrogen patches last time too. I'm glad the doctor listened this time around. I'm super happy that this cycle is going so perfectly. I hope it's your lucky one!

    Also, I hope work slows down soon :) You, of course, are welcome to take a break from blogging whenever you need to, but I did miss you!

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  6. You finally posted! Yay! Hope your vacation is still going well and that the peacocks are letting you get some sleep. I still have so much hope for you this cycle. You better text me if you see something...ahem...positive ;)

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  7. Hello! I just came over from Trisha's blog - I have autoimmune thyroid disease too so was interested to see your thoughts on that. Totally awful that your RE missed your high TSH a while back. Mine was 8.something (!!!) when I had a miscarriage and nobody bothered to say anything to me about it. I'm glad yours is being tracked properly now, as is mine ... it's the little things, right?!

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