Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Cycle 17, CD 23 (9? DPO)

Just finding the time to write a post has been a challenge lately. We have some pretty big deadlines coming up with work and I feel like I'm the only one that cares. My overall fuck-you-world frame of mind probably doesn't help much either. Whatever, it's where I am at.

The bad: My blood work came back after the cancelled IUI and it showed that I had indeed ovulated a day or two prior. I'm glad my RE suggested that we sit this one out and bank the money because it would have been a futile attempt, but it sucks balls I had to go through all that just to have my body play games on me.

The good: No ovulation bleeding! Wow, right? So maybe Follistim is my drug. That said, it did a pretty crappy job on making my follicles grow. But I'm not so down the rabbit hole that I can't see that this is a move in the right direction.

The bad: My TSH has skyrocketed and no one knows why. I thought it was from the estrogen my doctor put me on, but my Endo just told me that it wouldn't act that fast (apparently it takes several weeks to have any impact). No one can give me a good answer because no one knows why this is happening. So they upped me on my thyroid meds yet again. Not that my theories are ever right, but I feel like my TSH is going to go way in the other direction. I'm feeling 50% lab rat and 50% yo-yo. 

The good: I think I miiiiiight be able to squeeze one more cycle in before I have to go travel. That said, my TSH needs to cooperate which I'm not hopeful of, but at least it's a maybe vs a no-way. 

The bad: Mother's Day sucked the big one. 

The good: I got my hair cut! I know this isn't anything fertility related, but it's been almost 7 months since my last cut (hello-treatments-sucking-up-every-extra-penny) and I was feeling pretty ragged. The new do feels really good. 

As you can see, I'm actively trying to see the good in things and not focus so much on the bad. It's hard though, because the bad is really, really bad: I'm not a mom, I have no baby. The good is nice and all- but how do you compare a good haircut to a child? Regardless, I'm trying. Some days are better than others. 


  1. I'm sitting here trying to think of something witty to say to you to make you smile but I'm not exactly in the best place either right now so I'm failing. Just know that I love you and focusing on the good is a great step, I know it doesn't compare to what the other bitches that we hate have but there is some good there. Make today a good day for me!

  2. The fact that you are actively seeking out the good is amazing. It's very difficult to do sometimes, especially when we continue to be sucker-punched by bad news after bad news. I've very sorry that M Day was hard. And I hear you on the bad. Hang in there, though. Somehow, someway, all of this will lead to our children. And if you're like me, I plan on spending the rest of my life letting them know that 1) they were very much wanted and 2) that I would walk through hell again for each of them.